Top 9 Borderline Crazy Methods To Quit Smoking

There is no denying the fact that smoking is an extremely expensive and health-damaging vice, but some people go a bit too far to kick the habit. When the method you employ to rid yourself of the craving to smoke are even more dangerous than two packs of cigarettes per day, then you have probably crossed the line.

Considering that the market nowadays is packed with numerous quit smoking aids (e-cigs, nicotine gum, etc.), it is kind of difficult to justify why some people prefer to put their health – sometimes even their life – on the line. Let’s find out just how far some of us were willing to go in their struggle for a smoke free life.

  • Living in close quarters with a silver backed gorilla

Several organizations, including ASH have proposed denying healthcare services to people who are suffering from smoking-related conditions, therefore practically sentencing them to death. However, while the motion didn’t pass, there is a much faster way for a smoker to either shape up and quit smoking or end up in the Elysian Fields in a couple of seconds, namely with the aid of a silver backed gorilla. For some reason, these primates have an acute sensibility to smoke and will tear you apart before you get to exhale if you light a cigarette.

Methods To Quit Smoking

  • Electroshock therapy

Pavlov’s reflex therapy could constitute a solution for those of you who don’t mind the risk of electrocution. Simply shock yourself every time you experience nicotine cravings and soon your brain will begin to associate the desire to smoke with pain. Don’t mind the burns or the potential nerve damage though.

  • Eating cigarette butts (or the whole thing for that matter)

You could try to ingest the cigarettes, giving yourself one hell of an indigestion and hopefully becoming too disgusted to ever put another cig in your mouth. However, it is doubtful that you will actually be able to swallow because the taste is just too awful so you will probably choke on it and spit it back out. Check out YouTube for visual depictions of what happens.

  • Getting stranded on a desert island on purpose

Geoff Spice, a relatively unknown figure of the business world, actually managed to pull off the stunt of getting stranded on an island for four weeks in an attempt – a successful one, might I add – to give up smoking. The only problem is that in the absence of honed survival skills you risk starving to death, catching pneumonia (or other diseases, based on the climate specs) and/or being eaten by the local fauna.

  • Have a hired thug punch you out of the blue when you take a puff

You couldn’t smoke very well with a dislocated jaw, can you? Well then, why not hire a goon to stalk you and smack some sense into you whenever you fall prey to temptation? Or, better yet, let your friends know that they’re allowed to pummel you if they catch you smoking! This way is not only cheaper, but it also allows them to unload some of the old resentments towards you.

  • Pacifiers

There is no actual danger associated with switching from tobacco cigarettes to pacifiers, aside from losing all self respect and not being taken seriously by the people around you. You will probably lose your job if you do this in front of clients/business partners, but at least you won’t endanger your health.

  • Switching to a “different” type of smoking

Smoking crack for instance is not technically smoking. And, because drugs are so expensive you can be certain that your budget won’t allow you to buy cigarettes anymore. There’s the small catch of becoming addicted to a highly dangerous and illegal substance but aside from that you should be fine. Note that if you are a resident of Colorado or Washington, marijuana may constitute an alternative.

  • Get elected as the U.S. president

Becoming the US president is not hazardous, unless of course you are living the dark times of brewing economic crisis and global political turmoil. Oh wait, we actually are. Nevertheless, Barrack Obama managed to give up smoking after betting against his success in the campaign with his wife.

  • Excessively smoke until you vomit

Similar to eating the cigarettes, you could try a nicotine “overdose”. To put it simply, smoke until your stomach can’t hold your lunch anymore. The principle is essentially the same, namely trying to make your brain associated cigarettes with a state of sickness.

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